Evolutionary Psychologist Proves Men Have Larger Testicles Than Women – Puts Debate to Rest

Evolutionary psychology has always been a controversial discipline. But a new rigorous study coming out of Cornell University may further establish its reputation as a respectable science.

Over the course of five years, Dr. Franz Miller recruited 1000 male and 1000 female undergraduates at Yale and measured the size of their testicles. Testicle size was measured using APA guidelines, and the measuring was done by Miller’s research assistants. Dr. Miller himself did not want to be involved with the measuring, as he was worried it might bias the experiment.

After five years of collecting data, Dr. Miller crunched the numbers and was absolutely astounded by the results. “I had hypothesized that the males would have larger testicles than the females, but I never expected a ratio this massive. It’s almost like the women had no testicles at all.”

Several of Dr. Miller’s colleagues have congratulated him on this finding, glad that the debate has been put to rest.

“Those radical feminists, they prance around campus telling us that they’ve got larger testicles than us, but not anymore,” said Dr. James Jacobs, another evolutionary psychologist at Cornell. “They can try to play their postmodern games, but they can’t argue with the cold hard science. Men have larger testicles than women, and that’s now a proven empirical fact.”

NOTES: Evolutionary psychologists generally believe that many of the differences between men and women can be attributed to different evolutionary pressures faced by each sex. Evolutionary psychologists who do this work can come off (or be misrepresented) as trying to push a regressive sexual agenda, when they’re really just speaking openly and honestly about what sex-specific behaviour is, not what it ought to be.