Bernie Sanders Promises to Create Thousands Upon Thousands of New Therapy Jobs if Elected

During last night’s Democratic debate, Bernie Sanders announced his new plan for mental healthcare.

“It has come to my attention, that it is very difficult for Americans who are not part of the 1% to get a therapist,” said Sanders. “That is why, as President of the United States of America, I will ensure that everyone who needs a therapist can afford a therapist, and that every therapist also has a therapist.”

“Some people say, ‘Bernie, how could we ever afford a therapist for everyone and a therapist for every therapist?’ I’ll tell you how: We will fund our new therapy program with a modest speculation tax on wall-street, and in order to fund the therapists we will need for each therapist we will cut our enormously wasteful military budget. Then we will pull all of our soldiers out of Afghanistan and Iran and Syria, and we will train them as therapists for the therapists of the therapists.”

Other Democrats have criticized Sanders’ proposal, saying it is too idealistic and isn’t economically viable.

“Sanders wants to pay for every therapist to have a therapist, as well as for every therapist’s therapist to have a therapist,” said Joe Biden. “But ask yourself this. How on earth are we going to afford the therapists for the therapists of the therapists of the therapists? Bernie’s socialism looks good on paper, but the numbers just don’t add up.”

NOTES: Bernie Sanders is a democratic socialist who aims to be the Democratic nominee for the upcoming U.S. election. Therapy in most parts of the world is not payed for by the government and is often unaffordable, especially on a long-term basis.